Bartimeus, the Blind Man

An excerpt from my Pre-Retreat Recollection:
Sunday: February 27, 2005
10:00 am
Gonzaga Chapel

I read the passage of Mark three times. Every time, I identify myself with Bartimeus more intensely. While the crowd would be leaving for Jericho with Jesus, so much like the seniors of the Ateneo leaving the portals of this institution to find their selves in the world, I feel left out. I feel I can do nothing to get up to follow and go with them. I questioned God why He has allowed me to be in this state of uncertainty… of the dreadful idea that I would not be graduating this March. Why, at my final oral exam in Philosophy, has He fated me to pick the one single thesis statement I have failed to review? The irony of it all is that that thesis statement is all about hope.

This prayer session has not been an easy one for me. I’ve been constantly battling with sleepiness, and I couldn’t help but feel a rebellion mounting up inside of me for my feeling of helplessness. But amidst all the chaos inside me, I couldn’t shut out the voice that somehow tells me: Maybe God has a more wonderful plan for me. That maybe He wanted me to learn about the lesson of hope outside the four walls of the classroom in CTC 204. Perhaps, He wants me to realize that He himself is hope, and that like Bartimeus, He will heed me if I call on to him, to take me out of the darkness…

And that’s what I have been doing the rest of the weekend. I’ve been constantly praying, keeping that flicker of hope in me alive… Here I am Lord, turning to You for Hope…


Monday: February 28, 2005
Inside a tricycle with Mark

I suddenly heard the intro to Nina’s Foolish Heart. It was Mea, calling on my phone. I picked up, answered Mea despite all the broom-broom of the trike.
Mea: Rollz, ano nga time-slot mo sa orals?
Me: 9:00. 15 minutes after you.
Mea: Naka-D ka ba? (that’s what I originally heard)
Me: ‘Di ko pa nga alam eh, tingnan ko pa.
Mea: Hindi, sinasabi ko nga sa ‘yo naka-D ka pa…
Me: (shouts) SHET!!! HINDI NGA???!!! TANG-***!!!
I dunno what happened next. I was so happy. I didn’t fail the orals. Somehow, all those things I babbled about score a point (just a point ‘coz a D = 1). Perhaps, poor Mea’s eardrum was somehow shattered as I forgot all about ethics and courtesy then, as I couldn’t control my overflowing sense of relief and joyfulness. Even the poor driver was startled and came out of his scheming of how to get us out of the mounting traffic. Mark was laughing I guess. I dunno. I honestly can’t remember everything. I remember thanking Mea though. That at least, I didn’t forget to do, for bringing me the good news. I hurriedly went off the tricycle and walked the rest of the way to the Dela Costa Building and sure enough, there posted on the bulletin board are the grades for the oral exams. And I really did get a D!!! Good Great Gazook!!! Nothing’s gonna stop me from graduating now!!!


Tuesday: March 1, 2005

I still feel overwhelmed with relief and happiness. I sincerely thanked God for not forsaking me. I feel somehow justified for not being able to study that last thesis statement. The lesson I learned far surpasses my understanding of the rest of the thesis statements we were asked to study. Indeed, when God decides to touch your life, you can’t help but marvel with His mysterious and beautiful ways.

I really am looking forward now to the start of my 5-day Silent Retreat tomorrow. Incuding travel time, I’d be gone and out of contact for a week, and so should you guys feel the urgent need to contact me, here are the details of where I am and how you can contact me:

Date or Retreat: March 2 – 8, 2005
Venue: Holy Spirit convent/Retreat House, 33 Ambuklao Road, Pacdal, Baguio
Phone: (my cell’s gonna be off, so you can leave messages to me here) 074-446-1915
Director: Fr. Mike Pineda, SJ

We’d be leaving early tomorrow so see you in a week guys…
Until then…